Lost in the Labyrinth

Well, since I’ve finally found time in my life for blogging again, I’ve tried to remain pretty upbeat, concentrating on all the things in my life that are good. However, as a backdrop to these things, there have been some pretty crap circumstances that have left me, at times, feeling pretty low.

So far, I’ve deliberately shied away from talking about them in my blog as (to be honest) I get bored of hearing myself complaining about how crap I feel without inflicting it on others. However, although I’ve not really come to terms with how things are, I am more able to talk about it without complaining too much now. To be honest, I’d never heard of the condition I’ve ended up with or how awful it is, so to let other people know about it just seems right.

I’ve just re-read that paragraph and it makes my issues sound serious and in reality, they really aren’t. However, they do have a huge, life changing impact and it’s this that I’m struggling to come to terms with.

Basically, a couple of months ago, I started feeling a little ‘vague’ and struggling to concentrate, followed by quite intense pains in the left side of my head. As well as this, I then started to get shortness of breath and pins & needles in my face & limbs. As you can imagine, I felt pretty scared about all of these symptoms, but just put them down to stress. I tried not to panic and assume the worst though and went to the doctors to try to get it sorted out. However, things weren’t as simple as I’d thought. The doctor asked me to get some blood tests done and then come back to see him. This kind of worried me a bit as it meant in all likelihood that there wouldn’t be a simple answer. So, I had the tests done and nervously waited for the results.

After a week or so, I went back to find out the results and to my huge relief, they were clear of anything sinister. However, since my previous visit, my symptoms had worsened and I’d had a rather worrying attack of ‘vertigo’ or dizziness on the way to the station one night that had resulted in me falling over. From this point as well, the pains and numb patches has become increasingly worse too.

So, although the blood screening was clear, there was clearly still an issue.

The doctor to be very fair to him was excellent, asking me all kinds of questions about stuff that seemed (to me) irrelevant but were clearly a means to a diagnosis. After a seemingly endless list of questions, it turned out that I have Labyrinthitis – a nasty middle ear infection. In conjunction with this, I was suffering from increased levels of anxiety that were exacerbating the problem.

So, when I heard that it was nothing more serious than an ear infection I instantly felt cheered, but needed to know more about why I was feeling so dizzy. The doctor explained that labyrinthitis affects the tubes in the middle ear that control balance, the swelling of which cause very serious issues with balance and quite often sight. Clearly, this was something slightly more sinister than ‘just another ear infection’. So, over the past couple of months, my quality of life has gone seriously awry. Just walking around normally without feeling that a) I’m going to fall over or b) I’m going to be sick is a real challenge. The ‘vertigo’ (very similar to spinning bed syndrome when you’ve had a few too many drinks) hits me when I least expect it. Walking around, sitting at my desk, watching tv, anywhere. Add to this the fact that I am quite prone to anxiety and this has now gone into overdrive and you get a very unhappy situation.

The worst thing about it is that no-one else can see the problem, nor are there any outward signs that there is a problem. Consequently, it’s very easy for others to forget that I even have a problem. Also, it never, ever goes away. From when I wake up in the morning, to last thing at night, I feel distant and vague at the very least, like living my life through a long lens made with frosted glass. At worst I have at least one attack of vertigo which boosts the anxiety levels, making me feel like all my muscles are cramping and triggering the numbness. This really does suck. I’ve read that it could take anything from a month to several years to go, or maybe not at all. I’m hoping that it is sooner rather than later because at the moment, I’m struggling. Perhaps it will get better over time, I don’t know, but whatever happens, I won’t let it beat me. There are people out there with things far worse than this and I try to think about that to make myself stop moaning.

I have plenty of wonderful things in my life; my wife, my kids, my friends. Eventually, I (we) will beat this one way or another.

So, if anyone you know has this hideous condition listen to them, reassure them, tell them they’ll be ok. It’s something that will scare the pants off them, but with the support of friends, they’ll come through it.

:-)

Hitting the Mark

After a gap of at least 12 years, I finally made it back to the archery range this weekend and it really wasn’t a disappointment!

I was, in truth, nervous on Saturday when I arrived at the club. I kind of hoped that there would only be a few people there so I could ease myself back into the sport with minimal fuss . . . Not a bit of it, the place was packed with probably 30 – 40 people of all ages. OK, so no easing myself in then!

After introducing myself to the club owners (who were lovely and couldn’t have been more welcoming), I showed my bow, proved that I knew what to do with it, and was ready to shoot. I’d earmarked a nice 10m target that the juniors were shooting on but unfortunately Brian, the club co-owner had a different idea! A 25m target with a 60cm face – well this should be interesting (especially without my glasses!). So, I gave it a go. Aim, draw, loose! Incredibly, I hit the boss – I even hit the target – I was thrilled. It felt like starting the sport all over again – the buzz of getting somewhere near where I was aiming was huge. Amazingly satisfying.

Of course, over the next couple of hours, not all of my shots were great – some were completely pants in fact, but given that I hadn’t shot for 12 years, I was happy enough with hitting the boss.

My one concern for the day was that over the past 12 years, the muscles I use for archery have dwindled away (clearly!) and I now feel that my old bow is too heavy for me. So, now I’m in a quandary. I don’t want to spend a load of money on a new bow (they’re not cheap!), but equally, being ‘over-bowed’ is not good for an archer (especially beginners – which I kind of class myself as, as I’m returning and my ‘archery muscles’ are undeveloped). So, what should I do? I don’t want to struggle with my current bow so that I can’t form the right shooting patterns again, but I don’t want to find that I get a new lighter bow and then in a few months once I have my rhythm & strength back need my old bow again. So what to do?

I desperately need advice on this one so might have to make a few posts on archery forums to get a few opinions. I really fancy a new bow (simply because I love gadgets) but is it really necessary? I actually really like my old bow, a lovely KG1 with a green metallic riser and to be honest, although it’s now well out of date, it still does a great job. I just don’t know if you can ‘grow into’ a draw weight on a bow. I don’t want to keep struggling on with it and find that I can’t shoot as well as I used to because I can’t handle the weight. I’d rather sell it and use something I’m more comfortable with. So we’ll see. I have a couple of weeks to make up my mind as there’s no archery this weekend. Lots of poring over Archer websites in the meantime no doubt . . .