Fatherhood

So, blog post number two already! I’m sure the novelty will wear off at some point, but until that day, I’m determined to have some fun putting these posts together.

Well, today’s (and probably the next few days’) topic will be Fatherhood!! Well actually, fatherhood for the second time for me, but nevertheless, it’s still pretty exciting, and not a little worrying. So, to get me through this, I’m going to blog as much as I can, to splurge my thoughts out as I’m pretty sure the emotions over the next week or so will be pretty intense. My thought is to write a main entry, and add an edit each day (or as often as I can) to update the blog with what’s going on. We’ll see how it goes . . .

Tuesday 1st July
My wife Annie is currently 38 weeks + 4 and nervously waiting for d-day (or should that be c-day?). She’s booked in at the hospital on Monday for a c-section as our pesky little monkey has decided not to turn! He’s currently sitting upright in Annie’s tummy having a whale of a time beating the crap out of her every time she has something to eat. I really feel for her. Every time she eats something, he’s like, “Hmmmm, I like that give me more!!” and starts beating her from within. I try not to make references to “Alien” when I’m around her, but I just can’t help thinking about that moment . . . euch! Enough, enough! If she reads this I’ll be in serious trouble for even mentioning that.
As you may have guessed, we’re having a little boy (as confirmed at the 20 week scan) and we think we’ve settled on a name, but we’ll have to see if it suits him when he comes out. Talking of him coming out, we’ve both been kind of nervous over the last couple of weeks. Annie is actually due on either the 10th or 11th, but she’s booked in for the section on the 7th! It seems a little bit close to full term . . . is this usual? Anyway, this has been causing us a bit of worry and with every twitch, twinge and ache that Annie has, we become more convinced that he’s going to join us early. This has particularly been the case over the last couple of days with Annie having loads of ‘different’ feelings and gradually feeling more and more uncomfortable. . . the time is drawing near I think.

I guess an unplanned due date for most people wouldn’t be an issue, but for us it causes a few worries as we’re pretty much alone where we live. We only moved here a few years ago so don’t know many folks locally and our parents live quite a distance away. Add to that the fact that I work 25 miles away from home (travelled via train) and we have one lovely daughter already who will need to be looked after while we’re at the hospital . . . it just adds complications when thinking about scenarios for getting Annie to hospital. In many ways, we’d really like it to go to plan so we can do things in a calm and collected way . . . we’ll see. I have a feeling that things rarely happen as you want them to.

So that might be it for today (we’ll see). I’ll post an update as soon as . . .


Wednesday 2nd July
So another day has dawned and we are still just the three of us. Annie’s ‘different feeling’ yesterday must have just been the way the baby was lying, the way Annie had slept, the way the wind was blowing . . . who knows.

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty positive today. Annie seems to be feeling good this morning too and the high anxiety of yesterday seems to have subsided somewhat. So, I have time to reflect on the last time I became a father and how it felt first time around.

It actually seems like an age ago now (although it is only just over four years). Bizarrely though, I can still remember the day we had our first little one like it was yesterday – oh my god what a complete cliché, but nevertheless, tis true.

When I look back, we were wonderfully naïve as a couple. We had no idea what was going to hit us when the baby was born. I think we had this lovely image of a sleeping baby, gurgling and cute with us crooning over it all the time - how different reality can be!!

I remember that Annie was just over 38 weeks when she woke me up at an unearthly hour one morning to tell me that her waters had broken. I’m rather ashamed to say that I don’t remember being overly sympathetic initially. I was barely conscious when she told me and my first reaction was, “Oh my god, are you sure? Oh my god, oh my god!”. . . being rational and supportive is not my strong suit in the early hours of the morning!
After waking up however, I soon managed to get my arse into gear and started finding towels, calling the hospital and getting Annie in the car.
However, this all proved to be a bit of a false start. The hospital seemed singularly unimpressed that Annie’s waters had broken, and sent us away to await the onset of labour overnight, or if it had not started by then, to come back in the morning. As it turned out, this wasn’t so bad (for either of us). It was a beautiful day at home and we lounged around together in the garden, enjoying our last few hours together as a couple.

The next morning dawned and there were still no signs of a labour starting, so back to hospital we went, getting there before 8am. I had a feeling that one way or another, this was going to be a long day!

Throughout the day, nurses and midwives tried to start Annie’s labour, but with no success. I remember walking for miles around the hospital with her trying to get contractions going. Nothing was happening though. Finally, someone had the sense to check which way up the baby was, and after a quick ultrasound scan, we discovered the baby was breach. Annie was pretty freaked out by this, we’d prepared ourselves mentally for pretty much any eventuality, but we hadn’t even considered this as everyone who had felt Annie’s bump had said the baby wad head down. So, the only choice was an emergency caesarean.

Annie is pretty phobic about needles and surgery in general and I think this really freaked her out. However, she knew that this was the only way our baby would come out safely. Within 30 minutes of finding out the baby was breach, we were in surgery, and within ten more minutes, I was holding my little baby daughter, born at 6.31pm weighing 7lb 1oz. A true miracle in my arms. I’ll never forget the moment that she opened her eyes, blinking against the harsh surgical lights, trying to move her head and test out her new senses. I still fill up just thinking about it now . . .

So, we have all this to come again within the next 5-6 days. I hope so much everything turns out well for us and that baby bump is healthy and well when he is born. A lovely baby brother for my little girl . . .

More as & when . . . B

Friday 4th July
Well, we’ve made it to the end of the week and although Annie is still suffering with really bad restlessness, backache and the occasional kicking from within, we’re still just the three of us.

The last couple of days have been pretty weird. We’re all just kind of waiting now. Wondering when he’s going to come . . .

More updates after the weekend – hopefully with positive news!

B

Tuesday 24th June (2009!!)

Well, nearly a year has passed since I last updated this entry and things have clearly moved on. Our beautiful baby boy was born as planned by c-section and everything went as smooth as could have been hoped for.

He is now approaching his first birthday and is cheeky, loud, smiley, fun, challenging, gumpy, curious and so much more. A joy for me and all my family . . .

Blogging and (Retro)Gaming

So, I’ve finally gotten around to writing the first entry on my blog and I’m hugely excited about the fact that I can now share my views on life, birth and the world at large with you all. Well, I say ‘you all’ but I guess it will be limited to a rather exclusive group of friends at the moment. However, given time, if I can a) commit the time it needs b) be arsed, I might generate a little more interest and perhaps open myself up to e-abuse and e-rage from the wider internet community . . .we’ll see how it goes.

Blogging is something that has really only recently raised itself in my consciousness. I was aware that it existed and in fact I’ve been a pretty avid reader of the BBC’s TMS ‘Blog from the Boundary’ and Ben Dirs’ Rugby World Cup 2007 Blog, but I have never really thought about the whole concept of blogging (and especially the interactivity of it) until I discovered online gaming on my PS3 back in December. Since that time, I have been pretty much addicted to a game called Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare . . . more about this later. Anyway, since discovering the online multiplayer version of COD4, I started visiting a few forums and such for tips and tricks on how to play the game better as basically I sucked at it, big time! One of the first places I tried was the official site of the game’s developers, Infinity Ward, and to be honest, their forum is pretty sweet. Infinity Ward have this whole community inclusion thing going on, where they want gamers to feel like they’re part of the game’s development by offering first hand feedback on IW’s product. This has really opened them up for some criticism of late (esp. from the PS3 community) due to slight glitches and problems with the original game . . . again, more about this later. The forum has a useful ‘stickied’ area for important stuff such as news on patches and DLC. Among those stickied posts were some by the user fourzerotwo, alias Infinity Ward’s Community Relations Manager, Robert Bowling, along with a link to his blog within some of his posts. So, being a curious kind of a guy I visited his blog to hear news on forthcoming patches etc from the horses mouth so to speak. This is when the full ‘value’ of blogging really hit me, although in many respects, RB’s site is less like a blog than many sites I had already been reading! The true interactivity between RB and the COD4 community at large however could really be seen working. I love the way that someone can put an idea or comment out there and that can snowball into a huge discussion covering all manner of different aspects of the thing. The difference between blogging and a message board however (as far as I see it) is the fact that its all about stuff you love and care about specifically, rather than general stuff on a specific topic. I guess if you can read between the crap, it’s a great way of expanding your knowledge of a subject and a chance to listen to other people’s opinions on stuff that matters to you. Kind of like going down the pub with a few mates, and talking about the stuff you all like . . . . Anyway I digress (this may become the norm . . .we’ll see).

So, that’s what really drew me to think about blogs a little bit more. They’re a great sounding board for your ideas and commenting on others’ ideas.

Anyway, this got me to thinking what blogging in a wider, non-commercial sense was all about. In many ways I couldn’t really see what the point for an individual was in blogging about random stuff for an enormous potentially worldwide audience. Then, as an extension of that thought, I got to thinking that if I did a blog, what would I write about. I thought about it and rapidly came to the conclusion that no-one would be interested in the kind of crap that I would be interested in. However, I love writing. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve loved writing stuff down. Little notes about stuff, secrets in diaries, lists, comments on message boards and forums, poetry (omg! I won’t share this with you!) and writing prose in the widest sense. So, a blog would give me an outlet for this desire to spill the rubbish that floats around in my head. I should definitely give this a go . . . even if it doesn’t get read (widely). It’s just a way for me to express some of the stuff that sometimes gets a bit muddled up in my head because there’s too much going on in there . . .
So, next, what should I talk about? After reading a whole host of blogs (found through Google) I discovered that people write about anything and everything that they care about and have a passion for. I thought about this. What matters to me? When I thought about it there was so much stuff! My family, fatherhood, work, friends, travel, the environment, gaming, sport to name but a few. So here I am, starting my first ever blog entry. I’ve come up with a huge array of stuff I want to write about and the temptation is to just splurge it all out now. However, I’ll restrain myself and gradually drip stuff through (like an annoying leak) over the next decade.

As we go, it’d be great if you would leave me feedback / comments. If you think its good, tell me. If you think it’s pants, tell me (but I’ll ignore you). I’d love for everyone to really make this properly interactive. It’d be great to expand my thoughts beyond my own (sometimes narrow) views . . .

So, my first real topic is (retro)gaming. This has really come from a few different sources and gelled together a few thoughts that were zapping around my head. Firstly, a very old friend (he’s not old, we’ve just been friends since the year dot) recently got onto Facebook (at long last) and it has been great to catch up with him and talk about family and life and stuff. As we were doing this, (and incidentally, I think Facebook is great for this kind of thing – but that’s probably a topic for another day) we got to talking about video games we used to play when we were kids and how things have moved on so much. Basically, some 18/19 years ago we were playing stuff like Gunship and Bubble Bobble on the Commodore 64 and thinking that these things were ground breaking (and they may well have been in their day), but man, do they look dated now. I remember spending whole days playing Gunship after poring through the 12 million page manual to get a grip on all the flight controls and the enemies I would be facing.
If monitoring systems like they have now for online gaming (ref COD4 - as an aside, to date I have spent eight full days of my life playing COD4 online. This scares the crap out of me. Eight days of my life that I will never get back . . .wow!) were around in the 80s, I shudder to think how many hours I would have clocked up . . . ah heady days. Anyway, I got to thinking about the other games I had back then, stuff that was hardly ever out of the tape player (yes everything I had was on cassette tape and took about three hours to load (and inevitably crashed in the final minute of loading!)). One fantastic game was BCs Quest for Tyres, a totally addictive little action game that sees a little caveman on a stone wheeled unicycle trying to save his hot cave-girlfriend from nasty dinosaurs! A quality product that you just don’t see nowadays. Then, as a teenager, there was nothing better than Barbarian, based on the ‘Conan the Barbarian’ films. A good dose of slice and hack with great sound effects, but what really sold it was Maria Whittaker in a purple bikini – great way to sell a game to teenagers!!
Finally, a few random games that were quality products back then – graphic adventures that really didn’t get the credit they deserved . . . The Last Ninja, Labyrinth (based on the film starring David Bowie . . . by the way wtf did adumbrate mean??) Anyone remember those?

OK, that’s it for my first effort I guess. I’ll see how I go, but hopefully there’ll be more by the weekend.